


creationism

by skeletonprowler



Category: Archive 81 (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Stream of Consciousness, body horror is mentioned like reaaaally vaguely, can i start a new genre and call it fever writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonprowler/pseuds/skeletonprowler
Summary: an examination of the relationship between a radio and its creatororthe thing above him wore a halo as it gutted dan.





	creationism

the thing above him wore a halo as it gutted dan.

dan wakes up in a metal body and he’s upset and angry and scared but underneath he can sense an emptiness and he didn’t choose this but maybe being full of strange objects to sort is a comfort when your mind is fragmented

the thing above him was excited - dan learns he’s always excited, the thing with a boy’s face who had constructed him like a puzzle of chess pieces and lego. The first few days when dan is still new he can sense a foreign body, he can feel the thing’s thoughts in it; he holds the thing’s ideals when he wraps his arm around himself. He didn’t ask for this intimacy and he tries to repeat that this is not him but

this feeling passes with time as every feeling passes with time except for the thing’s enthusiasm for dan and dan feels __. Try again dan feels _______. dan is a long way from home and a long way from feeling but the thing is following him around and checking and adjusting and asking and it reels dan back to the outpost  
(no it does not it does not bring dan back. dan is empty and the thing fills him with metal and ideas and thoughts and purpose) and maybe he’s more built than brought back but some sort of dan is present and the reason is standing beside him

when the thing talks about the podcast dan’s head is severed and is gone he isn’t at the outpost he is back in the archive just as another dan was at the archive and he knows he should be a continuation of his past but something in him has been erased and replaced and as he watches the dan in his memories it isn’t him. This is all the thing’s fault but the next time he’s at the outpost his arm is being shoved into its socket by the thing which croons at him and dan’s eyes focus and are soft as he watches the thing fix his new flesh

they’re walking side by side and the thing is chattering at him about a new room and dan is dragging his steel carriage in his ribs and his heart is swollen painful and he’s thinking about god and a sculptor and a child and he wants a name. “Rat.” dan almost laughs, he almost laughs but he understands unwanted responsibility and wearing it like his own skin and he looks at the lumps on Rat’s back and he nods. He wants to tell Rat that he is wrong but who is dan to convince the choir

“you’re a fucking monster” dan runs. He already knows that he is but when he turns the corner and he sees pity in Rat’s eyes – pity, in the eyes of the thing that created him and the thing that fed him – he lurches. Shambles. Fervently wishes in a moment of clarity that this new flesh would be rejected by him. Feels the betrayal and the ground giving out beneath him as he keeps running.

of course he doesn’t stay away for long. The person who hurt him is also the thing that understands him. How many times have those words been hurled at Rat and yet still he lived and wondered and created – created dan, still had the conviction to rip someone apart and construct him in his image. dan assumes Rat did this to him so dan could share in his wonder – has to assume because dan doesn’t want to think about any alternatives

every time dan is the radio Rat sits on the table beside him and watches him ~~and the machinery~~ him, watches him raptly and dan uses ~~the machinery~~ him and uses Rat and they’re connected like a net or a pair or a trauma

dan follows Rat as always dan enters the room and Rat is looking at him and pointing up and dan reaches up to hear more music but he moves right to be closer to god and he’s laughing like a bell and the tonal notes drift down and dan is shivering and wondering and how can he expect the creator to give him attention let alone new life but he listens to the music and he moves and he brushes Rat’s shoulder with his own and he feels so small yet so important

there's a weight on his head of flesh and feeling and opposition and everyone hates Rat but dan cannot hate the being who gave him being and a foundation of cracked concrete. dan’s thoughts are growing like trees with twisted roots. Yet Rat is watching dan with excited eyes, the same eyes he used to see to saw dan in half and it is so hard to meet them with his own, but he knows when he does he’ll find adoration

 

he takes Rat with him, like he takes his chest with him, like his arm was taken from him.

dan’s ears are filled with heavenly choir and he can hear Rat’s excited voice but dan’s eyes are dark and if that’s not proper then dan doesn’t know what is. Rat doesn’t say a word about him and dan already knew and dan already knew that a transplant rejection hurts but Rat’s voice echoes around him as he finds completeness without dan and he sounds good and happy and light and dan is a good friend so dan says “as long as you’re happy” as a goodbye and he feels his tape cassette stutter as he is thrown away from the heaven sounds

dan isn’t home. But a being is standing above him and for a moment it comforts him but the next it terrifies him as the figure tells him they’re sorry and starts tearing at his beautiful new body at his new flesh and dan wants to scream but can’t, he’s not there but he can feel so feel he does. He feels sorrow and hope but mostly pain and he had doubts but all he knows now is the attack on his ribcage and he’s alone and he’s not revertible and his heart is replaced with a cassette that can’t rewind and he knows both who is responsible and who is undoing him and dan can only ever be the subject

**Author's Note:**

> whoooo boy congrats on making it to the end
> 
> to read about my background thinking about dan's situation (can't figure out how to link things): https://skeletonprowler.tumblr.com/post/177918745652/heres-my-attempts-at-a-s2-dan-explanation-dan-was
> 
> to read about the motives behind this illegible essay:  
> I wanted to explore a subject’s relationship to one who simultaneously caused his fragmentation and put him back together again, and a subject’s relationship to someone on whom his thoughts are based. I wanted to explore how a person regards their creator as their equal, given their shared experiences.
> 
> & let's be real I'll probably continue editing this until I die so, see you


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